


Turf War

by Mo-hot-ve (LocalAngelTracker)



Category: Fallout (Video Games), Fallout: New Vegas
Genre: Bitter old men being childish, Lawn shenanigans, M/M, Modern AU, Slow burn trope, The AU none of you asked for or wanted, enemies to friends to lovers trope, uncomfortable dinner parties lay in the future
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-28
Updated: 2018-11-14
Packaged: 2019-01-06 12:42:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 13,143
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12211518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LocalAngelTracker/pseuds/Mo-hot-ve
Summary: Joshua Graham and Edward Sallow raise hell on their quiet block of suburbia over a growing resentment of each other's lawns which leads to an all out sabotage war, dragging the whole neighborhood in with them.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Extremely self indulgent fic is extremely self indulgent

The morning began as any other typical Monday did, with Edward sallow stepping out of his house in a a dressing gown and underclothes to pick up his paper from the end of his drive way. Like any other morning, Edward made sure to curse the delivery brat who made him take the daily trudge rather than tossing it properly on his doorstep where it belonged. Like any other morning, there was well dressed Joshua Graham, standing across the street with his own paper, reading the front cover and sipping his morning orange juice. 

Edward sneered, just like Graham to be up and dressed before a proper hour without coffee. He always thinks himself so much better than everyone on the block, Edward thinks, even though he knows it's all got something or another to do with Joshua's religion. Edward tucks his paper into his armpit to fold his arms across his chest. 

"You need to mow your lawn" he yells across the street to Graham, who slowly looks up from his paper with a raised eyebrow. The man never seemed to smile, Edward notes. Highly suspicious behavior really, especially tied with his never changing deep monotone. 

"Your lawn" Edward continues, a pleased smirk creeping into his face" Is looking half an inch over regulation according to the Neighborhood Association rules. You should do something about it. I'd just hate for you to get fined" the last part comes out far too sugary sweet and Edward's smirk deepens into a malicious grin. He would be the one to make the call to president of the NA as soon as Joshua went inside. 

Joshua'a eyebrow drops, face returning back to its proper stoic mask. He glances over at his meticulous lawn and shakes his head. "Can't be,Edward" he calls back "I measured it last time I mowed. It won't need to be cut until at least Friday" 

Edward's grin falls into an annoyed frown. "I bet that's not the only thing you measure" he grumbles under his breath. 

Up goes Joshua's eyebrow again"I didn't catch that last part,Edward. Could you repeat it a little louder?" 

Edward huffs and waves a dismissive hand. "Don't worry about, Graham. Just thinking out loud." The other man shrugs and waves a half felt goodbye. Edward turns to walk up the driveway, but before he can even take a step forward he hears Joshua call over his shoulder.

"By the way, Edward, your tulips are looking a bit wilted" there's an unmistakable note of smugness. 

Edward whips around, mouth half open in outrage with an insult ready at the tip of his tongue. But Graham is right, and his mouth shuts with a sharp click. Graham is more than right, of the plants around his mailbox, what isn't wilted has been crushed at the stem as if someone had put a boot directly into the planter. 

Edward goes pale, a small note of horror escaping. It had taken him forever to get them to the perfect height and shape of red. There's only one person who would have the nerve to ruin Edward's plants, and that man Edward now sees, has just disappeared behind his front door with his paper and orange juice. 

Edward narrows his eyes at the closed door, silently fuming. Joshua must have done it on purpose to spite him for winning yard of the year last year. It would be 3 months til the next competition, but leave it to Graham to get a head start. 

Edward turns sharply, stomping up the drive back to his house. Fine, just fine. He'd save what he could today, and tomorrow...well, if it was a war Joshua wanted it would be a war Joshua would get.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can't stop won't stop. 2 chapters in one day, lucky you

Edward Sallow liked to think of himself as a patient man, though his son Deadsy seemed to always disagree. Today however, he had gone above and beyond patience, watching and waiting for Graham to slip up or at the very least, reveal what would make a suitable target for what he had planned. 

He had watched Joshua's windows and door while he had salvaged his poor tulips in the morning. At lunch he had snooped from the kitchen window, munching on a sandwich as Graham tended his own flower beds. (What sort of monster goes out in the highest heat of the day to tend flower beds? Better question what sort of monster did that in a dress shirt and slacks?) Edward had watched from the living room as Graham had left to pick up his youngest son from track practice. All day he watched and waited, but couldn't pick up on a single hint of guilt, let alone weakness. 

By dinner, Edward was standing in the kitchen, gnawing on the inside of his cheek as he poured over everything he knew about the other man and what he could do to hurt him without being obvious. The flowerbeds wouldn't work, it was too eye for an eye. The lawn might be a good target, but he was more likely to get caught. 

Round and around he pushed the vegetables frying before him on the stove, stewing in his anger. And then, it strikes him. 

Three years ago, a formal complaint had been lodged against Graham by Kimball, the former football coach who lived down the street. There had been concern that Graham had violated the 'No Flamingos' rule of 1978 by keeping a garden gnome amongst his bushes. Lily Bowen, a foolish old biddy, had gotten wishy washy about the subject and allowed Graham to keep it on grounds that it wasn't a flamingo, wasn't obscene, and that Graham would keep it looking nice. Thank God they elected House as the new president or who knows what other eyesores could have popped up. 

It sure would be a shame if something were to happen to it. Graham wouldn't even notice until it was too late to do anything about it. Edward chuckles, a pleased grin settling on his face. Everything was going to be perfect. 

Later that night, at 3 AM, when the rest of the world was dead asleep and Edward was absolutely certain without a doubt that Graham was asleep, he snuck out of his house. As quietly as he could he made his way across the street and up to the bushes underneath a window where the target lie. He grins, scooping up the hideous figurine, tempted to break it right then and there. 

Before he can get up to walk back to his own home, a light snaps on at the window and he's forced to shove himself deeper into the bushes. Edward sucks in a breath and glances up, eyes widening as a curtain parts. How had the bastard heard him? What he doesn't expect is to see more of Joshua Graham's skin then Edward knew he had. 

Joshua was shirtless! Shirtless of all scandalous things! And Edward's jaw drops just a little bit at the sight. It's unnatural to not see him in a white button down. The furthest he ever got before this point was rolled up sleeves. But there he is, glaring over the yard searching for whoever woke him up with his belly button on proud display for the whole neighborhood to see. 

He stands there for a while, just looking and glaring, while Edward curses him internally. Ed's knees haven't been their absolute best in the last year or so and the crouch he's in makes him want to die. Eventually, Graham pulls the curtains closed, ending the show, and the light clicks off in what Edward assumes his his bedroom. 

With a pleased smirk and a wince of pain, Edward stands back up and heads back towards his house. He'd feel tonight in his knees tomorrow but it would be well worth it for the prize in his hands.


	3. Chapter 3

Tuesday morning, unlike Monday, does not follow the typical schedule. Edward practically limps down to the end of his drive for his paper, dressing gown open to display his boxers and his whole demeanor groggy from the previous night's activities. His exhaustion hadn't stopped him from blowing a good morning kiss to the gnome displayed like a trophy on his mantle. The tiredness however, did add the sun and his knees to the morning's complainants about the paper brat. 

He glances through the paper, briefly reading over the sports scores when he realizes that something else is off. He looks up and realizes Graham's paper is still sitting in the driveway untouched. 

Edward frowns and moves down to his mailbox, trying to tell if Graham is even awake through his curtains. He jumps slightly when he hears the other's door open and the frown melts into a look of smugness. 

Graham's normally stupid perfectly combed hair is ruffled this morning, as if he had rushed out of bed. The distinct lacy of holier-than-thou orange juice in his hand brings Edward unspeakable joy. 

"Good morning,Joshua" he calls across the street far too chipper" Feeling alright? You look like you slept in this morning" 

The other man has the actual nerve to glare at him for half a second before schooling his expression back to its careful neutral, almost as if he hadn't realized someone else would be out to greet him. 

"I got woken up in the early hours of the morning last night" he calls back, monotone shifting into a grumble. Edward's smug smile only grows. It was nice to see the other had more than 3 emotions. 

"Hmmm, absolutely terrible, Graham, I'm so sorry to hear that" Edward forces a laugh down" You know I've heard about teenagers harassing people's homes lately on other streets. You're lucky you didn't get egged, but I wouldn't rule out other forms of property damage" 

Graham only responds with a soft hum of annoyance as he glances through his own paper"Kids will be kids" he finally responds "But I'll be sure to ask Gabban if he knows anything about those rumors when I pick him up this afternoon" 

Edward frowns once more, not particularly enjoying being dismissed so easily. He realizes, that more than likely, Graham probably wouldn't even miss the lawn ornament which meant Edward would just have to step his game. 

"Has he picked a college yet" Edward needles, looking for something else to needle Graham with. "He's got potential for scholarship with the right school"

Graham shrugs and tucks the paper under his arm "Whatever he decides, I'll be happy, scholarship or not" the other man starts to turn to head back into his house, but pauses, turning back to Edward."Have you RSVP'd with Lily yet? She's adamant the whole street be there if they can for her potluck. I think they're going to decide who's going to host the summer block party cookout at the party" 

Edward shrugs, face scrunching up"I would prefer...not...to go. But there's not really a choice is there? I've missed too many meeting this year to really get out of going" 

"But you are going for sure?"Graham presses on. 

"Yeah...yeah sure I guess. I'll let her know this afternoon" Edward humphs. What does it matter to Graham if he goes to the stupid dinner or not? It's not like Joshua is well known for being a party personality. 

Graham nods, seeming pleased with the news and heads back to his home, Edward's suspicious glare following him all the way in. What was Graham getting at? Maybe he did know who stole his gnome and was just planning on humiliating Edward at the party. Edward's eyes narrow dangerously. Well two could play at that game. 

His eyes sweep over from Joshua's front door to his immaculate flowerbeds. There was nothing in the rules of war against a preemptive strike, and Joshua's snapdragons looked in desperate need of a new home. He chuckles evilly, turning heel and heading back into his home. 

Another night of little sleep would be well worth the look on his face the next day. 

 

Once again, Edward found himself sneaking out at 3 am, this time armed with a flower pot and trowel. Once again, the neighborhood was silent and Graham's house dark. With only the moonlight to guide him, Edward crept up to Joshua's house, extra careful not to be heard this time around and began to dig. 

It took him roughly 20 minutes to get the plants into the pot, but the deed was done. What he didn't plan for was how heavy the pot would be, now filled with stolen plants. He grunts as he lifts it, heading back to his home much slower than he would have liked. 

When he gets to the middle of the street, he stumbles unexpectedly, causing the trowel to fall out of his dressing gown with a loud clatter. 

A soft "Shit" escapes his lips as the mutt down the road who lived with Lily and her grandkids began to bark, quickly setting off every other dog in the neighborhood. 

Edward books it as fast as he can to his front door as lights in the houses across the street begin to slowly snap on, including Joshua's. Much to his horror, Edward finds that he's locked himself out of his home when he reaches the front door, jiggly the knob uselessly. 

Horrified at being found out, he jumps the railing of his porch, swearing out loud at impact and jolt of pain through his knees. The pot of flowers goes haphazardly over the fence, hitting into the bushes against the house with a crash sending the dogs into an even louder frenzy. More lights go on and people open their windows yelling a variety of

"I've got work in the morning! Shut your mutt up!"

"Your dog started it! You shut yours up!" 

"What in heavens is going on?" 

But the most terrifying of all is the deep wrathful bass of Joshua Graham shouting "You there! Stop!" As he sees someone hop the fence into Edward's backyard from his front door. 

Edward has never felt so both alive and terrified in his life, grinning from ear to ear at the chaos and the fact that he had gotten away with the heist. He lets himself back into the house from the back porch, dusting the dirt off of himself to look more presentable for when the neighborhood watch decided to make its rounds to check on everyone. 

Edward's grin drops as there's a sudden desperate pounding on his front door. The neighborhood watch shouldn't have gotten here this fast he thinks to himself as he ties his dressing gown about himself and goes to answer the door. He opens it just as Graham swings his fist down to start pounding again, barely catching himself mid swing. 

Edward's eyes widen when he looks down to see a gun in the other hand of the man before him." Everything Alright, Joshua?" He asks, trying to keep casual. 

"Someone just jumped the fence into your yard" the other man says, anger in his voice" I wasn't sure if they had broken in" 

"You care that much?" Edward asks with a smirk, unable to help himself from pressing the other's buttons. "Besides, I thought you Mennonites didn't carry guns"

Graham lets out a frustrated sigh "Do you want to call the cops or should I?" He grumbles "And I'm Mormon, Edward, not a Mennonite."

Edward shrugs"What's the difference" he opens his door wider, gesturing for Graham to come in"And I wouldn't bother about the cops. I'm telling you Joshua, it's punk kids. No need to ruin their night and steal Kimball's thunder with the watch patrol he's no doubt forming as we speak. If it makes you feel better, you can sweep the backyard with me"

Graham nods "I would feel better if you did"

He follows Edward out to the back yard, and they sweep the area in silence. Finding nothing, Joshua clicks the safety back on his .45 and lets out a loud yawn. 

"My apologies" he quickly adds after"It is late" Edward can swear he catches just the slightest bit of pink in Graham's cheeks as he apologizes, and Edward wonders if it's just the night and exhaustion playing tricks on him. 

"Don't worry about it" Edward replies, leading him back into the house. "And Graham?" The turns to look at him with a half raised eyebrow" you should really consider getting a robe if you plan to run around at night half naked" Edward teases with a smirk and the other man snorts, and smile threatening to creep onto his face. 

"I'll have to-" Joshua pauses mid sentence, stoping in the middle of living room. 

Edward's brow creases in confusion until he realizes exactly what Graham is looking at. There, completely forgotten until now, sits Joshua's garden gnome on the mantle of Edward's fireplace. 

"Teenage punks, huh?" Graham asks softly, face unreadable. 

Edward scrambles for an excuse, letting out the first thing that comes to mind "That one's mine actually, I liked yours so much I got one for myself. I've just kept inside since those kids stole yours last night" 

Joshua now turns to him, eyebrow rising ever higher and Edward decides right then and there he hates that eyebrow more than anything else about Graham. "They stole mine?" He asks, confusion and suspicion in his voice"Why hadn't I...? Of course."

"Of course? Echos Edward, inching back towards the front door incase he needs to book it. 

Joshua shakes his head."Don't worry about it, Edward" he smiles and it sends a chill down the shorter man's spine."Have a lovely night's rest,Edward" he says opening the front door."Ill see you in the morning" 

"Uh...you too" Edward calls after him, confused more than anything as he watches the other man head back to his home. He could have sworn Graham knew about the gnome and if not, would he even realize about the plants? 

Before Edward can even finish his train of thought, he and the rest of the neighborhood hear the horrified shout of one very very angry man that makes Edward smile.

"What the hell happened to my snapdragons?!"

Who knew Graham could curse? That had to be a first Edward thinks, pleased beyond belief as he clicks the light off and heads back to bed.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Double chapter in apology for the long update wait <3

The next morning's trip to get the paper isn't even a limping walk so much as a slow drudge. Edward's too tired to even bother complaining about anything when he gets to the end of the driveway. 

"Good morning, Edward! I hope you slept well after last night's fiasco" Calls a smug voice, and Edward squints up at the man waving at him with a downright pleased smirk. 

"Yeah. Just peachy" he grumbles, too tired to really care Graham is back to his normal rolled out of bed perfect bullshit. "You?" He asks out of politeness before beginning to search through his paper for the sports section to check the scores. 

"Best night of sleep of my life" the other man responds, and Edward realizes uncomfortably, that he's being watched. 

He looks up from his paper with a frown, trying to figure out what Joshua's game is. The other man has his paper under his arm and a glass of orange juice in his hand, but otherwise there's nothing out of the ordinary except the bags beginning to form under his intense blue eyes. 

"Glad...to hear you slept so well?" Edward states, still shifting his eyes up and down the other man in confusion, trying to figure out what he missed. 

Graham tilts his head to the side slightly, his smirk growing. "My only regret was that I wasn't able to come to your rescue a second time last night" 

Edward's eyes narrow dangerously, paper crumpling in his hands" First and foremost Graham, you didn't rescue me. I was fine thank you. Second, what do you mean a second time?" He demands. 

Joshua gestures innocently at Edward's lawn and the shorter man's eyes widen with horror. Not only has his prize tulips vanished, but his mailbox has disappeared into thin air as well. All that's left is the potting soil, bricks, and a hole where the mailbox stake used to be. 

"Apparently" Joshua says, his tone dripping with superiority "They didn't like your plants either considering that they took my snapdragons last night as well"

"And my mailbox?" Edward asks, just barely containing the anger and bitterness in his voice. He can already feel the oncoming 6th sense call from his son about his blood pressure.

"Maybe they thought it was just a really big ugly tulip? You did have it painted that horrid red color" Joshua says, unable to holdback a grin of triumph. 

Edward's mouth opens and closes several times, unable to even fathom a comeback to that. Joshua Graham had the nerve to not only steal and insult his mailbox, but smile for the first time in his life about it. Finally, Edward gives up trying to come up with a retort and snaps his mouth closed. Turning heel, he stomps up his driveway and back into his home, slamming his door behind him, Joshua's soft laughter following him all the way. Edward is going back to bed. Maybe when he wakes up it'll be a different day. 

This isn't a sign of defeat of course, just a challenge to step up his game. 

 

When Edward gets up again, it's still unfortunately, the same day as it was when he first woke up. A glance out his window reveals that while his mailbox still isn't back to it's proper spot, the box itself minus the stake has almost apologetically been placed at the end of his drive. Almost is the keyword. The box has clearly been smashed in middle repeatedly before it had made it's way back home. 

Edward sighs and rubs the bridge of his nose, wondering if he could just go back to bed again. He'll have to replace both the box and the stake, maybe see about a new set of flowers to surround it. 

Edward looks up suddenly, a nasty grin spreading across his face as a truly horrid idea comes to mind. Joshua will never see it coming. 

 

That afternoon, Joshua went out to his car like normal to go pick his son up from track practice. Unlike normal, all the air has been let out of his tires. At the end of his driveway Lily’s grandchild sits, almost as if waiting for him. Joshua sucks in a slow breath. 

“Do you know who did this?” He asks, trying to keep calm. He doubts the child has actually done this and has no urge to take his anger out on them. 

They shrug and get up, dusting off their pants. “I might know for ten bucks” the kid says with a clever smile. Asking for bribes is no doubt a nasty habit they’ve picked up doing chores for House and Benny. 

“And why would I pay you that? Does your grandmother know what you’re doing out here?” Josh asks, glancing down at his watch. He’s already begun to run late and he doubts he can get the tires aired up fast enough to make up for lost time. 

“Miste-“ the child pauses and corrects their-self “The person who did it gave me 10 to keep my mouth shut and me ‘n Yes Man already spent it all on soda and candy.” 

Joshua sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose. “Mister Sallow did this didn’t he, child?” 

The kid kicks the ground and shoves their hands into their pocket, clearly upset that they aren’t going to get paid. “Yeah...But it’s okay I swear! He told me to go home ‘n tell grandma Alex would need a ride cause your car was broke. Grandma already left to go get him” the kid smiles now “Says it’s even cause you brought the mailbox back and Alex was a good kid. Hey, Mister Graham, did you really steal his mailbox?” The child seems highly amused and Josh grimaces. 

“I...did not steal it. I simply returned what I found left of it in my yard this morning” graham pulls his wallet out and removes a 10. “Listen, child, the lord does not approve of lying do you understand me? Tell your grandmother she has my deepest thanks for picking Alexus” he holds out the ten dollar bill. “Now, I need you to do a job for me. From here on out every single paper on this street is to be delivered to Mister Sallow.” 

The kid blinks and runs up the driveway, grabbing the bill out of Joshua’s hand with a gleeful grin. “Course I will Mister Graham. I won’t lie anymore either, scouts honor!” The child shoves the bill into their pants pocket, running back down the drive to grab their bike. “Thanks Mister Graham! See you around!” The kid is on their bike and gone down the road to collect their friend and co-conspirator before Graham can blink. 

Graham looks back at his car and sighs, turning around to open the garage door. He would fix the car himself, it was no issue, but it was the principle of the matter that got to him. The papers wouldn’t be enough, just a cherry on top for what he had planned for tonight. When he turns back around with an air compressor hose in his hand he sees Edward peeking out his window, smirking at him. Smug bastard.


	5. Chapter 5

That night, Joshua Graham slips out his home with a purpose. He wouldn’t have to worry about about Edward’s wrath anymore if he could end this by bringing the whole neighborhood down on Edwards head. That’s why Joshua had armed himself with a screw driver and set of pliers. Nobody’s mailbox would be safe tonight and Edward’s yard really did need some decoration to it. The only mailbox Graham doubted he could get was House’s as it was entombed in a half ton of stonework. The rest of the neighbors were more than fair game. 

Joshua started with Kimball’s on principle. The man got under everyone’s skin and if Joshua was caught he highly doubted anyone but Kimball would be upset something had happened to his property. It was easy enough to remove the mailbox from it’s stake. Once it was free, Joshua tucked it under his arm and moved on to the next house. 

Graham had a moment of hesitation however when he found himself before Raul’s mailbox. He really didn’t deserve to be dragged in this. Raul was kind, and a good enough cook and mechanic to get the neighborhood association to overlook his flamingos and chickens. There was no way he could just take his mailbox. However...there were always easier targets that wouldn’t be too much trouble to take and put back if they were removed... 

As silently as he could, Joshua ran up Raul’s yard, yanking the pink plastic flamingos from the yard, juggling them as best he could with the mailbox. Graham made his back to the street, debating if it was worth it too drop the items in Sallow’s yard or attempt to get something from another house before making the trip back. Before he could decide however, his ears where met with the faint sounds of a weed eater from down the street. There was only one person who would be using such a thing at this hour and graham booked it as fast as his legs would carry him back down the road, arms still laden with the stolen goods. As he runs, Rex seems to pick up on the upcoming drama, howling and slowly setting off the rest of the dogs in the neighborhood. 

Graham just barely manages to toss the things into Edward’s yard before the first house light snaps on. The neighbors don’t lean out the windows to yell this time, they’re out of their houses pissed beyond belief within minutes ready to find out and put an end to what’s been waking them up in the middle of the night. Graham stomps towards his house, ignoring them in favor of surveying whatever damage Edward has decided to inflict. 

He ends up meeting Edward hallway in the middle the street, the other smugly carrying a weed eater in his hands. A glance beyond Sallow reveals that Graham’s azaleas didn’t survive their unorthodox pruning. A vein begins to pop out of Joshua’s forehead as he turns beet red. The snap dragons were already over the line, but this was beyond that. Didn’t Edward have any respect for how fickle they could be or how much love graham had put into them? Judging by the first words out of his mouth, obviously not. 

“Everything alright ,Joshua?” Edward smirks, what he had done was worth whatever Joshua had been up to in the meantime. “You look like you might be a but angry. God, I wonder why that could be?” 

Joshua’s face sets in stone as he hears footsteps running up the street towards them. It would be too soon to give his hand away and furthermore, he had no urge to give Edward anymore of a reaction than he had already gotten. “Have a good evening, Edward” he finally grits out, shoving past Edward to walk up to his own home. Alexus is in the doorway perplexed and confused, watching his father shove past the neighbor. Joshua catches sight of his face and before he can give a reassuring smile to his boy, he sees Alexus’s face contort in shock and horror. 

Joshua whips around and gets the delight of seeing Kimball tackle Edward into his yard, the two men tumbling around and swearing their heads off about who was responsible for what. Joshua stands there, watching the scene unfold, the rest of the neighbors making their way up the street to watch the scuffle. Graham is hardly surprised when he catches sight of Veronica, Benny, and Lucy videotaping the chaos on their phones. Eventually, Boone and Cass with the help of Swank pry the men off each other, both still struggling to get another swing in. 

Joshua shakes his head, a shame what this had come down too, and turns to head back inside his home, leaving the neighbors to sort out the rest. Joshua can be at peace now, his plants are avenged and he doubts Edward will do anything else foolish or provoking from here on out. The whole issue seemed to have reached its end. Little did he know the hell that would await in store tomorrow at Lily’s dinner party.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long awaited update is finally here, another double chapter update for you all

When Edward trudges our to get his paper the next morning, it’s slow and pathetic like a dog with a tail between their legs. Joshua almost feels tempted to feel sorry for him...almost. The black eye matches his boxers quite nicely and Graham is safe in the knowledge his yard has been avenged. 

Edward doesn’t even seem to acknowledge Graham’s presence, just desperate to grab his paper and go in to sulk over breakfast. His heart nearly stops when he finds not only his paper, but every other paper in the neighborhood scattered across his driveway. He looks up with accusatory eyes at graham who shrugs and smiles. “I guess the child was tired from last night’s commotion too” Joshua had completely forgotten about paying the kid and this was certainly a cherry on top of his morning. 

“Yeah horseshit, whatever” Edward grumbles grabbing his paper” Come get your stupid gnome. I’m done. You can have best lawn of the year, I don’t care” he huffs and shoves the paper under his arm. 

Graham’s brow furrows in slight confusion”Lawn of the year? That’s what this was about? That’s why you ruined my plants?” Annoyance takes over confusion. What a petty pathetic reason to commit property damage. 

“Well if you hadn’t trashed my tulips and started it, I wouldn’t have escalated it” Edward snaps, red rising in his neck towards his cheeks in anger. 

Before graham can angrily yell back he had never touched Edward’s tulips their attention drawn towards the man stomping up the street. Kimball is puffed up, Make-the-kids-run-laps look firmly on his face. It’s clear he’s itching to continue the fight from last night. “Just couldn’t get enough could you?” He calls to Edward, tramping through his yard without a care now. “At least you went for the paper and not something I could sue you over” he growls. 

Edward squares up his shoulders, preparing for another fight if it comes to that. “I didn’t touch your paper and I told you last night I didn’t touch your mailbox. That was someone else and I swear I’ll kick your ass again if you don’t get off my property” 

Joshua is surprised Edward didn’t immediately blame him for the theft when the both know who was responsible. All the same, he’s not going to let Edward get another black eye just because Kimball needs the thrill of making an ass of himself. He walks across the street, folding his arms across his chest. “Aaron it’s not that important” he says in his slow careful monotone “Take your paper and go, I’ll make sure the child finishes their route correctly from now on. There’s no need yet to throw fists. Besides, we should at least remain civil till the potluck is over tonight”

Edward pales slightly “The potluck is tonight?” He has completely forgotten about it in the wake of the sabotage planning he had been doing. 

“Doesn’t really matter to you does it?” Kimball sneers “you no longer qualify for the block party or lawn competition anyway. A damn shame House didn’t fine you while he was at it” he has the arrogance to look smug as he yanks his paper of the ground. “Anyway I have a tee time to meet today. Try not to embarrass yourself anymore, Sallow” he says curtly and pauses to clap Joshua on the shoulder “Can’t wait to hear the big announcement tonight, Graham” he says, brightening before carrying on his merry way home. 

Edward out of principle, gives him the middle finger when his back is turned before turning to Joshua with the same foul mood unchanged. “You don’t have to speak up for me like that. I could have handled him just fine on my own.” He grumbles. “What’s he going on about announcements?”

Joshua rolls his shoulders uncomfortably “It’s...better if you just hear it at the dinner tonight. I know you won’t gossip but I’d prefer to to do it then. And Edward” he pauses, guilt gathering the like a weight on his shoulders. “About the yard...I wouldn’t have...if I had known what house would have done” he fumbles for the correct words to erase what he’s done. He never really disliked Edward, he was a bit of a grouch sure, but in his own charming way. 

Edward sighs and waves him off dismissively. “Don’t worry about it, Graham. We’re even just leave it” he begins to head back to his house, gathering what he can of his dignity. He pauses before turning to Joshua before entering his home. “Tonight then I guess?” He calls. 

Joshua nods, moving to the driveway to collect the other papers that need delivering. “Tonight” he confirms “You should bring jalapeño poppers again, they were good the last time you made them”

Edward let’s out a noise of agreement, brow furrowing as he watches Joshua gather up the papers. The man was an enigma that was certain. “See you then” he finally says and goes inside to fix his breakfast. Joshua continues what he’s doing only pausing at Edward’s mailbox to look at the bare spot where the tulips used to be. They had been a rather nice shade of red.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everyone in this neighborhood is gay and you can’t stop me

The breaking of bread is a sacred human tradition dating back as far as anyone could remember, it was a time of forging alliances and mending broken peace. For the neighborhood of Hoover Street, it was a much needed pause of silence from the chaos that had been wrought in the morning hours of the previous week. House, Raul, and Lily, being the oldest residents of the neighborhood had been there for the first of these yearly dinners and had carried on the tradition to the current day with Lily being the host. House of course, never attended these gatherings, rarely leaving his house in the first place, but had begun to send his nephew, Yes-man, in his stead with fresh baked bread and cookies. 

Raul, being the best cook tied with lily, brought and prepared the main dish while she made pies and other such deserts. Whatever else was to be brought was free game for the neighborhood, but no one would be caught bringing a salad. It was the easy way out, therefore sacrilege, and the notion of public shame for a last minute dish deterred anyone from breaking the norm. 

This of course, included Edward Sallow who spent a good portion of his afternoon preparing different variations of jalapeño poppers for the party, a peace offering to the neighborhood in hopes they’d let him live the previous night down with dignity. At the very least, he knew lily wouldn’t hold anything against him and that was enough to give him courage to appear at her door on time. 

Lily was of course, pleased to see him and Edward only nearly avoided a bone crushing hug from the surprisingly buff woman. Gardening really could do wonders for the body. He slipped into the dining room, shocked to see people had beaten there, but at the very least he could be grateful Kimball had not. He sets his dish down next to a green bean casserole and looks across the table, trying to decide where to sit. Veronica looks eager for details on why he was causing havoc, a conversation he does want to have, and Benny would just needle him for the fun of it through dinner. Can’t sit next to the window unless he wants to risk being elbow to elbow with where Kimball usually sits and it seemed too lonely to just pick a seat on the side of the table not yet taken. He’s interrupted by a soft deep voice calling him and he looks over to see Joshua take his seat. “Glad you could make it” Graham tells him and Edward eagerly sits next to him, hoping Raul or Lily would eventually fill the spot on his other side. 

“Time for that big announcement?” He asks smugly, pursuing off his momentary lack of confidence with a layer of false bravado. 

Graham shakes his head “I’m waiting till everyone gets here. It’s hardly that big of an announcement anyway. How’s the eye?” He asks more quietly, glancing Edward over. 

Rather than answer him, Edward coughs awkwardly and turns the conversation to the two women seated across from them. “Do we know yet if Boone or Arcade are gonna grace us with their presence?” 

Cass snorts and her wife Veronica, shakes her head sadly. “I passed Doctor Gannon on my way out the door this afternoon. He’s got a shift till 3 am. We’ve been swamped this weekend. And of course, if he’s not here than Boone won’t even bother. Inseparable aren’t they?” She giggles lightly only for Cass to roll her eyes. 

“It’s insufferable is what it is. Cheating too cause you know they use the ‘ I can’t be here without the other’ every time something in the neighborhood comes up.” Says the red head with a huff before a sly grin creeps into her face “Think me and you could pull that trick, Ronnie?” 

“Don’t bother, Swank and I already tried, doll” Benny adds, joining the conversation. “Of course, we didn’t really help our case when we pointed out Boone’s retired from his gig and still has arcade pull the excuse that he’s tired from being up all night” 

“Well, he might have been up all night but not because of Work” Swank quips, leading to a round of snickering from everyone at the table but Graham who simply gives the hint of a bemused smirk and a small snort. 

It’s not long before the table is joined by the Kimball who’s brought some sort of pasta dish (a hard pass), and the honorary members of the neighborhood association, The King (who can’t stand being called by anything but his nickname), his boyfriend pacer, “Red” Lucy, and the kids. The delivery brat makes a point of sitting exactly next to Edward and making a game of knocking things off his plate when they think he isn’t looking. For the sake of maintaining peace, Edward ignores it as best he can. 

Dinner goes relatively well, the lawns and mailboxes never once being brought up. But there’s an unspoken tension boiling in the room that no one can put their finger on. That is, until the dinner plates are cleared and desert is served, leading to graham clearing his throat and standing. The room goes quiet, all eyes drifting to the tall man. 

“As you all know” graham begins slowly, looking around the room at each person there “Lyons is retiring from the school board soon and elections are going to come up in the fall to replace him. I’m going to run for the position” the announcement is met with small applause and hushed whispers. “To make sure I don’t have anything that could be used to say I’m swaying the vote, I’m dropping out of the lawn competition this year, as well as revoking my bid for the summer block party. In my place, I’d plike to ask for Mr Sallow’s name to be re-added” this last part of news received no clapping, but instead instant loud conversation from all parties in the room. Joshua couldn’t really be serious could he? Edward can only sit there dumbstruck, trying to figure out what Joshua’s game is. 

Finally, it’s Cass who speaks over the growing din “No offense, Joshua, but you know he destroyed your flower beds right? And stole mailboxes? Why should we let him back in on it?” There’s a mixture of approval and disapproval from the group gathered, no one quite able to agree. 

Once again Graham speaks “He who has not sinned may cast the first stone. Edward deserves a second chance as we all do. The....previous mistakes were the result of a misunderstanding nothing more” the last part of his sentence comes out less calm than the rest of it but he grita his teeth through the words anyway. 

Before anyone can disagree, lily speaks up with a beaming smile on her face. “An excellent point, deary. I don’t think House said he really cares if Sallow participates again or not anyway, it seemed to me Aaron was the one calling for a ban” she states without realizing the sudden glare of hatred that had begun to emanate from Edward to the spoken of party. “So who’s bidding for the block party this year again? Edward of course, anyone else?” 

“I am, but lily” Kimball starts, but quickly cuts himself off with a look of disappointment from the old woman. 

“Anyone else?” She asks

Raul speaks up, a sly smile on his face “I nominate House. He has a pool, and he is our President after all” 

At the other end of the table there’s a soft gasp from Veronica. “We can nominate people?” She asks quietly before grinning and leaning in to give her proud announcement “Me and Cass nominate Benny and Swank. They’ve hogged their hot tub for too long” 

There’s a gasp of offense from Benny, a hand coming to his chest in shock “There’s no way any of youse is getting near my hot tub. Not in this life time, not in the next” he snaps only for Veronica to laugh in response. 

“So Sallow, House, Kimball, and Gecko. Anyone else?” Lily asks cheerfully, ignoring the complaints coming from the middle of the room. “No?” She says after a moment” Good, we’ll hold the vote sometime next month. Is anyone besides Kimball and Sallow competing for the lawn?” She asks, making mental notes to send back to house. 

A sarcastic “Can we cheat too?” Comes from Lucy and is met with a snort from Kimball. 

“It’s not cheating if you play at someone else’s game” he replied tersely. There’s a hum of conversation following this announcement followed by a chorus of households eager suddenly to compete. Lily makes careful note of the hands and voices, unaware suddenly of the suspicious and mischievous looks being passed around the room from neighbor to neighbor. 

Kimball however, who had assumed he had the competition in the bag, behind to loose his temper. “There’s no way I’m going to compete against lawn flamingos, patchy grass, and poorly trimmed hedges” he yells, earning him a mixture of looks from around the room. “And if Graham is going to back a criminal then I’ll...I’ll...I’ll run for the school board too” he says grandly “it needs order not Jesus anyway.” 

Joshua, who had been mainly quiet since his tiny speech, raises his eyebrows to the heavens, the nerve in his forehead just beginning to pop out ever so slightly. Before he can retort back, a single piece of broccoli sails across the table in a perfect arch, hitting Kimball square in the forehead. The room goes silent and for a moment everyone looks at Edward, assuming it had come from him. In a rush, he stumbles over his words to explain it was the kid but a lump of pie filling hits his cheek first. 

The whole room breaks out into anarchy as Edward attempts to crawl over the table to go fist fight Kimball once more and Joshua holds him back. Kimball is beet red in the face, leaning over the table and yelling incoherently. The room is divided up, cheering on both sides and lily is horrified at what her dining room has become. 

Finally, the woman looses her patience and yells louder than any of them could have thought possible. “Grandma has had enough! Out of my house! Out!” Tears have begun and the room moves to awkward uncomfortable silence. One by one they leave, offering mutters of apologies to lily and eyeing each other uncomfortably. Cass and Veronica stay behind to help lily clean up the mess while Raul walks Yes man back to House’s place. 

As he returns home, Edward finds himself walking alongside Graham, the silence still following them from dinner. Finally, it’s Edward who speaks up “You didn’t have to do that” he grumbles “Now Aaron is going to have a stick up his ass about the elections” 

Graham laughs softly, a rarer ocurance than a smile. “I’m not worried about him. He’ll wear himself out talking before he gets anything done. And you deserve to compete. You’re the only left of the two of us that can put the wind bag in his place” 

Edward echos his laughter, false annoyance slipping away to leave a small smile on his face. “Alexus still wanting to apply to Deadsy’s school? I know Gabban goes there too, but I can help put in a good word for him. Besides, Deadsy may not be in his apartment much longer, he keeps thinking his boyfriend is gonna propose any day now. It’d be big enough for your boys to share and much more comfy than the dorm”

Graham nods, thinking the proposal offer “That would be nice, thank you. If it’s alright I think he wants to question Deadsy about it when he gets home too. And congratulations of course” 

Edward snorts “no congrats yet. The boy still has to work up his nerve to propose, then we can celebrate. I’ll let Deadsy know that Alex asked, though” they stop now, in the middle of the street between their houses. “They sure grow up fast don’t they” he says softly, folding his arms over his chest. 

“They do” Joshua confirms and yawns softly “I’m going in for the night, good night Edward” he says and turns towards his house leaving Edward in the street to watch him go. 

“Good luck in the election. You’ve got my vote” Edward calls to him and receives a smile and a wave good bye from Joshua before the door shuts behind him. Edward walks up his drive to his house, the night strangely calm in the wake of dinner. It was a nice night, and a good one to enjoy a full night’s sleep on.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it’s been a while. Life’s been weird but I’m hopefully back more solidly. Arcade is probably out of character but I’m open to critique and suggestion

The next morning feels calm and peaceful, as if the previous week of chaos between Edward and Joshua had never existed. The morning is a bit of a late start, but Edward can’t deny it felt good to sleep in for once. Waking up late had it’s advantages too, a chance to view the neighborhood in motion as people went about their business. Edward’s stroll to get the paper afforded him a lovely view of Red walking half a dozen dogs down the street with one very content iguana resting on her shoulders that belong to some ex-con half a dozen streets down. It also afforded him the chance to observe the new decorations adorning the lawn of one Aaron Kimball. 

It appears as if the comments from the previous night had not entirely gone down well with some of the other neighbors. Almost a foot apart across the whole yard were a mixture of lawn flamingos, tacky garden gnomes in various levels of cheekiness, and a single tiny flag for the rival high school. Edward had no doubt the act was done by more than one vandal. Raul had taste in flamingos alone and his were still in place in his own yard. 

Served Aaron right anyway. If graham didn’t crush his tulips it was probably Kimball. Somewhere deep in Edward’s mind came the unmistakable urge to ruin Kimball’s hedges for the thrill of it. However, he knew he was on thin ice as it was and would be blamed for the act anyway. Kimball of course, could shove that blame right where the sun doesn’t shine. Edward was sure there was room enough next to the stick already wedged in. 

Joshua’s paper was not sitting in the driveway, meaning Edward had missed his chance for a morning chat, something he found himself oddly missing. It was no matter however, there was always the next day, and he had things to prepare for anyway. Today was the once a week showdown with Doc Gannon at the book club meeting. 

The man didn’t like Edward, and Edward didn’t particularly care for him either. At the very least however, the formal hostility the two shared gave Edward a weekly moment of thrill. Arcade was a much better person to banter with anyways, his husband, professional grump, Boone, wouldn’t even acknowledge Edward’s existence. That was fine enough in Edward’s book. 

He’s half tempted to skip breakfast today due to sleeping in. It was his turn to bring deserts to the meeting, and lemon bars were sure to win him some more friends in the neighborhood. His baking skills weren’t as good as Lily’s, but what he could pull together was certainly nothing to be sneezed at. Anyways, the true importance was beating the good doctor at cooking, something that wasn’t difficult to do-if it was actually Arcade who cooked. Edward hated to admit it, but it was difficult to compete against Boone’s apple pie crumbles, something Edward would be bitter about til the day he died. 

Later that afternoon, Edward found himself at Veronica’s doorstep, put together much better than he had been the previous week with a tray of carefully sugared lemon bars in his hands. He nudged the doorbell with his elbow and it doesn’t take long for Veronica to answer the door, shooing him to the living room where the rest of the club is. Of course, not before she snags a treat for herself off the tray as Edward passes. 

The usual group is gathered, arcade in his corner chatting with Raul, lily in the opposing corner daintily drinking tea while looking too big in the muscular sense for the chair she was sitting in. There was also Preston from a street or so down and a...Mr...X? Was it? A new member who had joined last month who was as mysterious as he was handsome, not that Edward had noticed. Unexpectedly, two new members had decided to join their small ranks, the both of which almost made Edward drop the tray in his hands. Kimball and graham chatting almost peacefully by the unlit fireplace, god forbid and help us all. 

Joshua looks up and allows his stoic mask to crack to offer a smile, something that Edward noticed was becoming more and more frequent. He’d be lying if he said it didn’t make him deeply pleased that these smiles were often for him and him alone. He’s yanked out of his thoughts by Veronica clearing her throat, gesturing for him to put the tray down on the table and to stop standing around in the middle of the room. He huffs and complies, taking a quick survey over the rest of the food on display and smirks. No apple pie crumble, Arcade could shove it, he had won today. Arcade was no doubt responsible for the tacky excuse for a fruit gelatin salad. Or maybe he had brought the brownies that looked like the were from the clearance rack of the superdupermart down the road. Either way, Edward makes sure to give him a smug look in passing before making his way to his typical seat in the leather chair in the corner. If it just happens to be next to Joshua, it’s an unintended bonus. 

A glance at the snack table reveals that Mr. X....X6? Essex? Whatever, has an apparent sweet tooth for lemon bars, his tiny dainty plate loaded up with at least three, not counting the one in his hand nor any others he had already eaten. It was more satisfying to see than any hateful jealous look arcade could summon. He surveys the room, the members and their assorted plates. He accidentally makes eye contact with Veronica in the process and the look she gives in Joshua’s direction and then back him to wiggle her eyebrows makes his face heat up. He can’t stand to even glance in her direction after that. The idea that Joshua graham of all people would be capable of that level of emotion is laughable at best. 

Unfortunately, josh seems to notice but completely misunderstands what causes the heat up. He leans over into Edward’s personal space to whisper” Are the books this club reads always this.....raunchy?” And Edward can only snort and shake his head. 

He leans in closer as well, gesturing as subtly as he can at lily” It’s amazing how people will surprise you” he whispers back”But good money says Arcade or Veronica helped approve and push this particular romance novel” 

It’s Josh’s turn to snort and suppress a laugh, moving a hand up to hide his amusement as best he can” I can’t imagine a month of discussing this every week, but you are right about surprises. Tell me Edward, Do you have any hidden surprises I should know about?” Edward could swear his tone was almost teasing and it stuns him. Joshua shouldn’t be one to talk about surprises. 

Edward arches an eyebrow high into his disappearing hairline, trying to think of something witty and clever to respond with on the fly. Once again, he finds his thought process interrupted. This time, it’s not by Veronica, a quick glance back at the room reveals arcade and Kimball starting to go at it in rising tones. ‘Roni, honey, you shouldn’t have let those two within 6 foot of each other, let alone have arcade sit next to the snack table. Ah well, best to sit back and enjoy the show. 

See, Arcade hates Kimball for some long standing grudge about letters sent complaining about the yard when arcade had first moved in that had escalated into back and forth petty complaints about each other. Kimball just can’t let go of the fact that he’s convinced arcade is some sort of trouble causing anarchist for believing in socialized healthcare. It doesn’t really concern Edward either way, but Arcade could be a good temporary Ally in the long run. Depends on how stupid Kimball decides to be in the next 5 minutes and by the growing ruckus Edward can count Arcade on his side. 

“Well at least I graduated from something” arcade spits with a huff “I made something of myself instead of relying on children winning a silly game to achieve happiness.” 

Kimball grows redder in the face, raising a threatening finger as if he could direct lightening with it” You May be a Doctor but neither you nor your husband can cook a chicken that isn’t bone dry. Consider yourself uninvited from the barbecue! I wouldn’t want you poisoning someone with a free range chicken that’s been god knows where anyway” 

“Do you even know what free range means? And you know what? I’m glad you uninvited me, I don’t want to eat watery macaroni anyways” arcade huffs, allowing himself the be moved by his elbow by Veronica to her seat, as she tries to avoid a repeat of the dinner party. 

“Why don’t we have our guests introduce themselves” she says just a little bit too loudly, trying to change the subject” Mr Graham why don’t we start with you?” She practically pleads, looking over at joshua to save the day. 

Graham clears his throat, shifting in his seat to make himself taller despite his already impressive height. “My name is Joshua Graham as many of you know. I’ve decided to join this book club for a variety of reasons” and in that moment Edward swears Joshua stole a quick side glance at him. However, no one else seems to pick up on it, leaving Edward to wonder if he really saw it.” But I want to take a more active role in the community. I’m looking to join more community organizations and more importantly” the start of a warm smile creeps across his face” I’m hoping to be able to win the election for the school board seat that will be opening up soon.” The smile comes to full bloom and Edward’s stomach does a flip” by out reaching to the community, I’m hoping to show the good I can do for it.” For a brief second, there’s peace and serenity....and then kimball let’s out a loud snort from across the room. The warm smile on Joshua’s face takes a bitter turn into what might be called a grimace. 

“Is that all?” He asks aloud, looking around the room for approval but only seeing averted eyes and looks of confusion. If Kimball was annoyed before, he’s even more so now as he stands with arms folded to introduce himself.” As you all know, my name is Aaron Kimball, I’m the one who throws the barbecue every year? Of course you know me” a smirk creeps into his face” And I’m running for the school board seat as well.” And with that the room evolves into excited chaos, save for Preston and Mr Xavier (?? Edward would remember it one day) who just look confused and uncomfortable. These people would sell out one another for a corn chip, let alone drama, Edward swears. A glance at Joshua reveals impressively restrained righteous annoyance. 

“You can’t be in the lawn competition or compete for the right to hold the barbecue if you’re running for a public office” Joshua begins but he’s cut off by a sharp short laugh from Kimball.

“Just because you didn’t read the by-laws clearly and got out unnecessarily isn’t my fault Graham.” The confidence rolling over him sweeps into the room in a suffocating manner.” I fully intend to win everything, it’s about time someone with a spine won what’s right. Besides, I’m a former staff member. What do you have, graham? Magic Mormon underwear? I don’t see how that would be of any use to anyone” a glance around the room now reveals a mixture of horrified looks and more than one nod of agreement from their so called ‘neighbors’. 

Edward glances up at Joshua, trying to judge if he’ll need to tackle the man before he throws a swing. The look in Joshua’s eyes is the same one he had that night what felt suddenly like a lifetime ago when he had almost burst down Edward’s door thinking he was in trouble. However, the look is restrained but it’s clear that this won’t last much longer. In a brief moment of clarity, Edward realizes what he needs to do. Loudly he stands, interrupting whatever next rude thought is about to come out of Kimball’s with a loud cheerful” Well goodness look at the time. I had almost forgot” his mind scrambles for an excuse to drag himself and Joshua away from the possible fray” Graham if I might borrow you? Deadsy mentioned wanting to come home and visit with his boyfriend. I told him he could but we don’t have a spare bedroom and I’d hate to put Riley on the couch. If you don’t mind leaving early we can go hash out the details. I’m sorry i have to leave so soon Veronica.” He tries to smile as pleasantly as he can and latches the strongest grip he can on Joshua’s elbow, dragging him towards the door.

He pleased to see most of the room is now dumbstruck by this strange interjection, no doubt stranger still that it would happen between two men who were at each other’s throats not but a few days ago. The perplexed look on Arcade’s face truly brings him the most joy. 

As soon as they’re out the door and it’s shut behind him, Joshua yanks his arm from Edward’s grip, turning on the shorter man angrily. “I could have handled that myself” He snaps and it causes Edward’s own temper to flair up.

“Yeah cause you were doing a great job looking like you were about to take a swing” Edward snaps back, already feeling the heat rise in the base of his neck up. “I’m sure that wouldn’t have been twisted against you”

Joshua scoffs and it cuts Edward deep “the only one who has thrown fists so far is you, making an ass of yourself, like normal. That scene you made over nothing in there? That’s more hurtful than adult conversation I was more than capable of having on my own.”

“I-“

“No. Just go home Edward. You’ve done more than enough” and just like that all the progress Edward had thought he had made is gone. Joshua is back to the carefully crafted mask and monotone, locking Edward and the rest of the world out. Edward doesn’t even know why he cares but it stings like no other. “Go home.” Joshua repeats more forcefully and turns back to go into Veronica’s home. 

Edward steals in his spot on the sidewalk, yelling a half hearted “Fuck you” at the back of Joshua who doesn’t even flinch. The click of the door shutting drives home just how alone he is in the neighborhood now, and this time he isn’t even sure he had done something wrong.


	9. Chapter 9

The trudge back to Edward’s house is slow, full of brewing anger and hurt at Joshua’s sudden mood shift. He shouldn’t have shown up to the stupid book club anyways. It wasn’t Edward’s fault that he felt Joshua needed someone in his corner. The Mormon had never once before made a real effort to try and be a part of the neighborhood. Edward was just sticking up for him because Josh had done so much for him and he was a kind person. That’s all. But with a sinking heart as he approaches his front door he knows deep down that isn’t the truth. 

Once the front door is locked safely behind him does he allow himself to slump against it with a soft exhale to the empty house, “shit.” He feels.....something......for the neighbor who once was his enemy and now he was sure he had totally screwed it up. He was too old to be having these sort of worries or flings. He had told himself after.....after him, that these sorts of things would have to stop. He had settled down by god, raised Deadsy, and made a life for himself. He didn’t need weird feelings for the man next to door to ruin it for him after all these years. A cup of tea. A cup of tea is what he needs. Maybe then he’ll come to his sense and realize all this is just.....intense friendship. 

The moment he steps in the kitchen to put the kettle on, the phone rings loudly, startling him slightly. His eyes narrow accusingly at the device. “Shut up. Go away. No one’s home” he grumbles at the phone, as if whoever was on the other end could hear him. With his luck it’s Veronica digging for gossip or Lily with uncomfortable levels of sympathy. 

“Caller ID. Son. Deadward Seamus Sallow” the robotic voice chirps back in response to his foul mood, clearly with no sympathy in the soul of it’s evil little microscopic chip. Of course Deadsy who have a sixth sense for his father needing to be reminded about his blood pressure. He bitterly ignored the call and begins working on his tea instead. He’ll call Deadsy back later when he’s in a better mood. 

Just as soon as the phone stops ringing it begins again. “Caller ID. Son. Deadward Seamus Sallow” the robot voice chirps and Edward groans, scrubbing his hands down his face. Just like his son not to just be patient and leave a voicemail. It’s better he answer it now than listen to it ring all afternoon. He grumbles and moves over to the wall we’re the phone sits, one eye still watching the boiling kettle.

“Hel-“

“DAD HE ASKED” comes the shout from the phone and Edward quickly yanks it back away from his ear at the loudness.

“Pardon? I couldn’t understand that” he says into the phone once the excited yelling finally dies down and it’s safe to put the speaker back up to his ear. 

“Riley asked me to marry him dad! He finally asked” Dead Sea gushes, probably the happiest he’s ever sounded.

Edward snorts, beaming with pride despite the fact that deadsy can’t see him “well....did you say yes? Or did you just leave the poor boy hanging to call me?” He teases, earning him an exasperated gasp of annoyance. 

“Of course I said yes, dad. He asked last night at dinner. He sold off his car to buy the band can you believe? It’s solid gold and he’s still got student loans” the last part comes out as a slight nag, but an understandable one. 

Edward leans against the wall, happy for at least one thing going right today.” And when can I expect to empty out my wallet for a wedding?” 

“Not for a year or more, dad” Deadsy snorts” we both agreed to wait til we’re both graduated out. Riley still wants to come home this weekend with me though. He was on about something about asking your permission? It’s kinda outdated but I still think he might be slightly scared of you”

Edward chuckles, the idea of 6’5 quarterback being afraid of him just seems ridiculous. “He’s more than welcome here. I mentioned to Graham that you would talk to Alex about your school by the way. He’s interested since you and Gabe are both there.”

“Oh of course. How is Mr Graham by the way? You and him don’t normally talk unless you’re antagonizing each other.” Deadsy asks casually and Edward finds himself paling slightly. 

“Oh he’s fine.” Edward answers far too quickly. “Well the kettle’s whistling, is better let you go, son” 

“Dad-“ Deadsy’s voice is suspicious and he can feel his son’s eyes narrowing Miles and miles away. It’s the same tone Deadsy uses when Edward is about to do something stupid or bad for his health.

“We’ll talk more when you get home!” He answers back, his voice pitching up in desperation for Deadsy to just drop the topic. Before his son can get another word out he’s rushing out a hasty good bye” Love you! Talk soon! Call me when you get to the airport!” And the phone is practically slammed back on the hook so Edward can take a hasty 6 step back retreat from him. The last person he wants to explain his complicated feelings to is his son, no matter how good his intentions are. 

The kettle suddenly screams out and Edward almost jumps out of his skin. At least the tea is finally done. 

He makes his way into the living room once he’s poured himself a cup. He just needs to sit in the dark for a while. Calm his nerves, nurse his ego, focus on not thinking about josh who clearly does not want to be his friend. Little things. He settles back in his favorite chair, sighing a breath of relief. He looks up and nearly drops his cup in shock. Sure, he may be sitting in the dark, but the sun filtering through the window illuminated the face of one ungodly and cheerful gnome. 

The stupid gnome. The start of all of this. The thing that gave him away. Edward is almost tempted to throw his cup at it. 

“I hate you” he spits at it” I hate your smug smile and disproportionate rear and your ugly hat. I hate that you sat in Joshua’s lawn for almost 6 years. I hate your stupid blue eyes that look like his. Who even gives a gnome blue eyes? Especially that intense.” 

Edward’s eyes glance down as the subject begins to change. The bitterness however remains. “Those stupid stupid blue eyes. And that smile? What the hell is with that smile? You can’t just smile at me like that and expect me not to think you feel things about me. Even if you can feel things about me. Since you moved into this neighborhood almost 15 years ago you never once smiled at me like that. Why now? Is it punishment for the snap dragons? The azaleas? Why did you step in for me but get mad about me doing the same for you?” He grumbles and then blushes, feeling stupid for speaking to no one but a garden gnome. 

The gnome of course, just smiles cruelty back without a word because garden gnomes can’t talk. 

“I shouldn’t have stolen you. You weren’t worth it. But I can’t give you back either. I’m just stuck with a goddam ugly statue stuck on my mantel. Who even puts a garden gnome in their flower bed?”   
He huffs and shifts to his side in the chair just to avoid looking at it any longer.


	10. Chapter 10

After a long while......well......an hour of sulking and avoiding looking at a certain particular ugly lawn ornament, Edward decides he at least needs to get up and do something. There’s the thought of putting up the new mailbox, but then he might have to make eye contact with one of his neighbors. That meant gardening in the front was out of the question too. He could clean the pool, but that was something he normally saved for odd days of the week. He supposed it couldn’t hurt to power wash the porch and deck. Not exactly ideal, but it would keep his mind busy. 

So he finds himself pulling out his dusty power washer and fighting with the hoses which have never for the record, ever played nice with him. It was a good head start for the bbq competition he reminds himself. No one wants to have a party on a slightly dirty deck. 

The motions of going back and forth with the nozzle are relaxing. A strange mediation of removing dirt like cleaning out the mind. It’s just edward, the hum of the motor, and the loud spray of the water as he cleans the porch spotless and moves to the deck surrounding the pool. It’s all peaceful and lonely until someone taps him on the shoulder. He wheels around in shock, catching Joshua graham in the chest with the sprayer.

Edward yelps in shock and tosses down the nozzle, shouting out a loud surprised “sorry!” Over the noise while quickly going over to shut the machine down. Way to go Sallow. You pissed him off at the book club and now you’ve soaked the man. 

When Edward turns back around he finds Joshua peeling off his button down with a sigh. His skin is much more pale in the daylight, probably from being hidden behind a shirt for all these years. 

“You need to tan” Edward blurts our without thinking, causing josh to pause mid-shirt removal. The taller man’s face twists in completely confusion as he looks at Edward. Ed is pretty sure josh might actually clock him. But instead he’s thrown off guard as Joshua bursts into full body laughter at the sheer ridiculousness of the situation. Edward finds himself catching on to the laughter and finally relaxing for the first time since the club meeting. 

When the laughter finally dies down, josh fully removes his shirt. One hand slicks back his wet and now messy hair before he begins to wring out his shirt.” Wasn’t the response I was expecting but you’re not wrong” he says with a good natured smile, the anger from a few hours ago completely gone. “Shouldn’t have snuck up on you like that.”

Edward smiles back, unsure exactly what the visit is for “I have a shirt you can borrow if you want...?” He offers, unsure how to welcome in a guest that just strolled in through his back gate.” I didn’t mean to spray you, ya know” 

Josh shrugs and gestures to the deck table where Edward’s tray from the meeting had been set” I thought I’d bring this by and....well.....” for the first time in his life Joshua looks sheepish. What a week of firsts this has been. “ about the book club.....I shouldn’t have lost my temper like that. It just seems like I’ve got Kimball on one side and Veronica implying on the other” he pauses, catching himself too late” Not that I mean....you wouldn’t-.. I wouldn’t-...we’re not-“

Edward holds up his hands and fights back the knot in his stomach” Don’t worry about it. It’s no big deal. As for Veronica....just gossip right?” He forces a smile “we’re just friends.” He swears he sees disappointment quickly flicker across Joshua’s face but he just chalks it up to his own hopeful imagination. “Why don’t you come in?” He offers quickly, eager to change the subject “the least I can do is run the shirt through the dryer for you” he’s quick to grab the shirt from Joshua’s hands before he can protest and makes his way inside. Josh can only follow behind with the tray. 

Edward gestures him into the kitchen to make himself comfy with the tea remaining in the kettle while he takes care of the shirt. It’s tossed into the dryer after a moment of squinting at the tiny instructions on the collar. Edward returns back to the kitchen with an old comfortable Hawaiian shirt in his hands to where josh now sits with a mug in his hands. 

He hands off the shirt, waving off the protests, and seats himself down at the other end. The whole situation feels weirdly domestic but not as much as a half naked josh sitting across from him would. “The shirt will only take 15 minutes or so” he reassures.

Graham finally seems to accept his fate and slides on the shirt he was given, fumbling with the buttons as he talks. “You also mentioned something about needing a spare bedroom earlier? I’ve got a pullout couch but both bedrooms will be full I’m afraid. Gabban’s bringing home his boyfriend....? Maybe? I’m not really sure to be honest.”

“Oh you don’t need to worry about the bedrooms” Edward smiles warmly” that’s kind but Riley just popped the question. Deadsy called with the news today” 

“No kidding?” Joshua smiles back, folding his arms on the table in front of him.” That’s great. Tell him I said congratulations if he calls back. Have they picked a date yet?”

Edward can only snort” of course not. They’re putting it off just like they put off the engagement. What about your boy? Who’s the lucky fellow he’s bringing home?”

Josh frowns, glancing away slightly uncomfortable” His name is Fox, very old fashioned, but according to Gabbon he likes to go by Vulpes? Which is Latin for fox, but it’s still odd. I can’t help but say I’m slightly worried by my son asking me over the phone to not judge until I get to know him.” 

Edward nods knowingly” Deadsy asked the same of me when it came to Riley. Mainly just because the poor boy was so nervous to meet me that he kept tripping over his words and dropping things” Edward chuckles, pleased when he sees Josh’s smile return “I’m sure it’s the same thing” 

Joshua’s phone buzzes and he frowns again, pulling out to glance at it before letting out a small annoyed noise” Track let out early today. I’ll need to go get Alex but your shirt...”

Edward waved him off, standing to escort him to the door. “Don’t worry about it. Just return it later and I’ll trade you back for the one in the dryer. Besides, the future board member can’t be charged for causing a public disturbance with his blinding pale chest” he chuckles teasingly, earning him an eye roll from the other. 

“Of course, of course.” Joshua pauses in the doorway of Edward’s home, turning to him one last time” See you tomorrow at the usual time for banter over the paper?” 

Edward can only grin and shoo him out” of course I’ll be there. Don’t be ridiculous”


End file.
